Fantastic Friday - Funny Quotes

It’s been awhile since I’ve compiled some quotes. As it’s Friday, and seeing as how summer seems to be hit and miss here in the UK (what a surprise!), let’s have a laugh…
All these seem to be by ‘anonymous’, but if you know who said them, please let me know.

‘The best things in life either make you fat, drunk or pregnant.’

‘It turns out that being an adult is mostly just googling how to do stuff.’

‘Chocolate doesn’t ask silly questions. Chocolate understands.’

‘Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it.’

‘I’ve got 99 problems and 86 of them are completely made up scenarios in my head that I’m stressing about for absolutely no logical reason.’

‘Sometimes I shock myself with the smart stuff I say and do. Other times I try to get out of the car with my seat belt on.’

‘You know you’re an adult when you get excited about a new sponge at the kitchen sink.’

‘The more you weigh, the harder you are to kidnap. Stay safe. Eat cake.’

‘When you wake up at 6 in the morning, close your eyes for 5 minutes and it’s already 6:45. When you’re at work and it’s 2:30, you close your eyes for 5 minutes and it’s 2:31’

‘All my life I thought air was free, until I bought a bag of chips.’

[All images from The Graphics Fairy]